Esau’s loving and forgiving heart
Good day
I hope you are doing well and enjoying 2026. So, as previously stated, I
am writing another blog about Hagar, but this is not it. This blog was intended
to follow the previous one, but I felt that the sequence should change;
therefore, you are receiving this blog instead.
I recently revisited the story of Jacob and Esau because I wanted to
pray about the plight of what we tend to think is justifiable unforgiveness, as
well as anger. People feel wronged and think they have the right to remain in
anger, unforgiveness, bitterness, rage, and resentment because they believe
they did not seek out, warrant, or deserve what was done to them. To be honest,
this ideology is understandable, especially for someone who has been hurt and
deceived; however, it is not godly because it contravenes the Word of God and
directly contradicts our faith.
So, as I was praying, I sought a few scriptures on pain, anger, and
forgiveness. That is when I was reminded of Jacob and Esau. The relationship
between Jacob and Esau, as well as the fate of their family, is one of the
Bible stories that breaks my heart; you probably know this because I have
expressed it in my previous writings. I hate how they became divided rather
than united. I struggle to reconcile why things happened the way they did and
whether the approach they employed in realising a particular outcome was the
best and worth the pain suffered. As expressed in the previous blog, there is absolutely
no use crying over spilled milk, and most importantly, the will of God
ultimately prevailed.
Let’s revisit their defining moments.
Genesis 25: 21 Isaac prayed to
the Lord on behalf of his wife, because she was
childless. The Lord answered his prayer, and his wife
Rebekah became pregnant. 22 The babies jostled each
other within her, and she said, “Why is this happening to me?” So she went to
inquire of the Lord. 23 The Lord said
to her, “Two nations are in your womb, and two peoples from within you
will be separated; one people will be stronger than the other, and the older
will serve the younger.” 24 When the time
came for her to give birth, there were twin boys in her womb.
Genesis 25: 29 Once when Jacob
was cooking some stew, Esau came in from the open
country, famished. 30 He said to Jacob, “Quick,
let me have some of that red stew! I’m famished!” (That is why he was also
called Edom.[f]) 31 Jacob
replied, “First sell me your birthright.” 32 “Look, I am about
to die,” Esau said. “What good is the birthright to me?” 33 But
Jacob said, “Swear to me first.” So he swore an oath to him, selling his
birthright to Jacob. 34 Then Jacob
gave Esau some bread and some lentil stew. He ate and drank, and then got
up and left. So Esau despised his birthright.
We often discuss how foolish Esau was for selling his birthright for
stew, and I understand why we would say that: a birthright is something too
significant to give away, let alone for food. But I also think of myself after
a long busy day whereby I did not have the opportunity to eat, and I get home
to a kitchen that smells divine; when I look around, I see either my brother or
sister cooking or even eating. I promise you, I will ask for food and be
willing to pay for it by doing tasks such as washing dishes, doing laundry for
the next two weeks, or buying groceries; the possibilities are endless. I
honestly see myself in Esau; hungry, desperate for a meal, and a pot of food is
right before me… what would you do? Starve or ask for a plate?
Also, we don’t talk about how we trust the people in our lives and do
not expect them to use our vulnerabilities against us to acquire what is ours.
I have never imagined being manipulated and deceived by any of my siblings,
especially during my moments of weakness, need, or vulnerability. I would
honestly think that I am safer in their presence. This was not the case for
Esau, and let’s not forget his nephew, Joseph. Esau was taken advantage of by
his twin brother, his womb-mate but he was not vigilant and careful, as well as
a good protector or steward of what was bestowed upon him, i.e., his
birthright. This is a painful and sad occurrence, but ultimately, it marked the
beginning of the fulfilment of the word spoken in Genesis 25:23 regarding the
destinies of the two brothers.
I would also like to take a moment to look at the birthright. The
Strong's Concordance states the following:
Birthright (H1062) is Bekorah in Hebrew, it means firstling of man or
beast, firstborn, firstling. This word is used numerous times in scripture
including in Genesis 4:4 whereby Abel brought the firstling (Bekorah) of his
flock to the Lord as an offering. Deuteronomy 21: 15 – 17 gives us a bit more context
about the birthright, let’s read below:
The Right of the Firstborn
15 If a man has two wives, and he loves one
but not the other, and both bear him sons but the firstborn is the son of
the wife he does not love, 16 when he wills his property to his
sons, he must not give the rights of the firstborn to the son of the wife he
loves in preference to his actual firstborn, the son of the wife he does not
love. 17 He must acknowledge the son of his unloved wife as the
firstborn by giving him a double share of all he has. That son is the first
sign of his father’s strength. The right of the firstborn belongs to him.
The blessing of Manasseh and Ephraim
Genesis 48: 12
Then Joseph removed them from Israel’s knees and bowed down with his face to
the ground. 13 And Joseph took both of them, Ephraim on his right
toward Israel’s left hand and Manasseh on his left toward Israel’s right hand,
and brought them close to him. 14 But Israel reached out his right
hand and put it on Ephraim’s head, though he was the younger, and crossing his
arms, he put his left hand on Manasseh’s head, even though Manasseh was the
firstborn.
17 When Joseph saw his father placing his
right hand on Ephraim’s head he was displeased; so he took hold of his
father’s hand to move it from Ephraim’s head to Manasseh’s head. 18 Joseph
said to him, “No, my father, this one is the firstborn; put your right hand on
his head.” 19 But his father refused and said, “I know, my son, I
know. He too will become a people, and he too will become great. Nevertheless,
his younger brother will be greater than he, and his descendants will become a
group of nations.” 20 He blessed them that day and said, “In
your[c] name will Israel pronounce this blessing: ‘May God make you like
Ephraim and Manasseh.’” So he put Ephraim ahead of Manasseh.
Joseph’s concern over the placement of Israel’s hands on his sons was
because he worried that the right blessing would be given to the wrong son;
hence, he had to remind his father of the sequence of his sons’ births, thus
asserting Manasseh’s position as the firstborn. The Lord, however, had His own
plans and ways. Manasseh was only first by birth and not headship/leadership!
Based on the above, the birthright and the accompanying blessing belong
to the firstborn son, which means that they initially belonged to Esau (by the
sequence of birth); the Word is clear on this already. Esau sold his birthright
to Jacob; this means he relinquished his position as a firstborn and gave it to
Jacob. By selling his birthright, he sold his right to be a firstborn and all
that was to be bestowed upon the firstborn. Therefore, after the transaction
between the two brothers, Esau would have no right to claim anything that
belonged to/pertained to the firstborn’s position.
Let’s proceed to Genesis 27: 1 – 42. This scripture details how Isaac wanted to bless his older son, Esau, but Rebekah and Jacob colluded and stole the blessing from Esau.
When Isaac was old and his eyes were so weak that he could no longer
see, he called for Esau his older son and said to him, “My son.”
“Here I am,” he answered.2 Isaac said, “I am now an old man and don’t
know the day of my death. 3 Now then, get your equipment—your quiver and
bow—and go out to the open country to hunt some wild game for me. 4 Prepare
me the kind of tasty food I like and bring it to me to eat, so that I may give
you my blessing before I die.”
The intention that Isaac had was to bless his older (firstborn) son
before he died. The specification of who to bless was very clear; it was a
blessing for the older (firstborn) son; this is the birthright blessing. Now,
here is the problem: Esau, by virtue of having sold his birthright to Jacob,
was no longer in the position of the firstborn and had no claim to the
birthright blessing. So, we understand that the one who should have received
the blessing was Jacob; he bought the birthright.
It’s either Isaac did not know that Esau sold his birthright that he
would seek to bless him or he chose to disregard the brothers’ transaction. I
think he did not know, but even if he knew, I am not certain if his love /
favouritism towards Esau would have allowed him room to bless Jacob as the
firstborn.
Anyway,
35 But
he said, “Your brother came deceitfully and took your blessing.” 36 Esau
said, “Isn’t he rightly named Jacob[a]? This
is the second time he has taken advantage of me: He took my
birthright, and now he’s taken my blessing!” Then he asked,
“Haven’t you reserved any blessing for me?” 37 Isaac
answered Esau, “I have made him lord over you and have made all his
relatives his servants, and I have sustained him with grain and new wine. So
what can I possibly do for you, my son?”
Ad break: Just a by-the-way, before I continue, please pay attention to
how you name your children. Throughout scripture, we see how names denoted
nature. Don’t just name your child; genuinely consider the meaning of the name
and what you seek to establish or derive from the incumbent you are naming.
We are back…
I found it odd that Esau would say it was his blessing, when he had sold
the right that granted him access to the blessing. His reaction to his father
blessing Jacob is perplexing because he remembered very well that the
birthright was no longer his, so why would the blessing be his? Does this
suggest that he was not fully aware of what he sold or was he just disgruntled
and hoped that he would continue to enjoy the benefits of being the first born
though he was no longer the first anymore? Was Esau trying to steal his
brother’s “procured” blessing? I really do not know the answers to the above
questions.
I will pause here for a second and take a deep breath… ok, let’s continue
Anyway, the blessing of Jacob broke Esau, it shattered him. He cried
bitterly and aloud. It was at that moment that he began to view his mother and
brother differently. My take on this is that Rebekah and Jacob deceived Isaac by
manipulating things to ensure that Jacob is blessed instead of Esau. Yes, they
used his “features” and clothes to manipulate Isaac, but the birthright already
belonged to Jacob. My issue is the deception and manipulation that broke a
family; I trully believe that all that was required was a reminder through
conversation that the birthright and blessing belonged to Jacob, which further
supported what Rebekah was told about the brothers whilst pregnant.
In terms of Esau, I think he took lightly what he gave away (selling his
birthright). The weight of the decision ultimately caught up with him and it was
extremely heavy to bear. May we not be like Esau and act without thinking. May
we apply ourselves when we make decisions, especially those that are life
altering. My pastor once said that he does not take major decisions without
fasting and praying. I am adopting the same strategy.
Had I been in Esau’s shoes I would have been angrier about my loved one plotting
against me. My anger would have been for the manipulation that resulted in the
selling of the birthright. It would be for the lack of love and grace in how my
brother handled and treated me when I was hungry, and even how my mother, who
could have championed reconciliation through approach, failed to do so because
of her favouritism and love for my brother. The blessing was the birthright
agreement coming into effect; his anger pertaining to the outcome was really
misplaced.
Look, an argument can be made that the approach that they (Jacob and Rebecca) employed served as the basis for Esau's anger because it somehow continued to perpetuate the lack of consideration (i.e., brotherly and motherly love, care, affection and regard) from his family, except his father, Isaac (Being angry for the theft of the blessing was just a sheer misplacement of anger). This is why I would always reference the approach employed when Jacob blessed Ephraim and Manasseh; it was not pleasing to Joseph, but it did not sow discord and division. The will of God prevailed.
Genesis
27: 41 Esau held a grudge against Jacob because of
the blessing his father had given him. He said to himself, “The days of
mourning for my father are near; then I will kill my brother Jacob.”
42 When Rebekah was told what her older son
Esau had said, she sent for her younger son Jacob and said to him, “Your
brother Esau is planning to avenge himself by killing you.
Verse 41 is the first scripture that showed me Esau’s loving heart. You
see, Esau had a grudge against Jacob and his mother. We read in verse 45 that Rebekah
lost him; this suggests that Esau no longer viewed or treated Rebekah as his
mother. Esau wanted to kill Jacob but did not want his father, Isaac, to live
through that; he could not afford to hurt his father. He planned to kill Jacob
only after the death of his father.
The scripture does not say anything about his mother; it feels like he
did not care about how his mother would feel or respond to Jacob’s death – I
need to say that this is my view and not what the Word explicitly states. Esau thought
he had a “justifiable” reason for harbouring a grudge against his mother and
brother, “they caused his pain”. He had nothing but love towards his father. In
all honesty, he could have apportioned some blame to Isaac, but he did not
because he loved him and it is evident in scripture; Jacob only managed to pull
off the hairy skin feel but failed at the voice. Couldn’t he have pried further
to ascertain whether it was Esau or not? Esau did not seem concerned about this. Let’s also read Genesis 28:
6 Now Esau learned that Isaac had blessed Jacob and had sent him to
Paddan Aram to take a wife from there, and that when he blessed him he
commanded him, “Do not marry a Canaanite woman,” 7 and
that Jacob had obeyed his father and mother and had gone to Paddan Aram. 8 Esau
then realized how displeasing the Canaanite women were to his father
Isaac; 9 so he went to Ishmael and married
Mahalath, the sister of Nebaioth and daughter of Ishmael son of Abraham,
in addition to the wives he already had.
In verse 7 Esau realises that Jacob obeyed his father and mother but in
verse 8 (when it concerns him and not his brother) he recognises only his
father.
Anyway, Jacob fled to Laban’s house, and nothing is mentioned of Esau
until Genesis 32 whereby Jacob is going back to the promised land and
anticipates meeting his brother again. It should be borne in mind that years
had since passed but the weight of past events was still heavy especially on
Jacob. We see this in his preparations to return, as well as his actions.
Genesis 32: 3 Jacob sent messengers ahead
of him to his brother Esau in the land of Seir, the country of Edom. 4 He
instructed them: “This is what you are to say to my lord Esau: ‘Your
servant Jacob says, I have been staying with Laban and have remained
there till now. 5 I have cattle and donkeys, sheep
and goats, male and female servants. Now I am sending this message to
my lord, that I may find favor in your eyes.’” 6 When
the messengers returned to Jacob, they said, “We went to your brother Esau,
and now he is coming to meet you, and four hundred men are with him.” 7 In great
fear and distress Jacob divided the people who were
with him into two groups,[c] and the
flocks and herds and camels as well. 8 He thought, “If
Esau comes and attacks one group,[d] the group[e] that is
left may escape.”
Though Jacob escaped his brother’s wrath, the fear of his brother
avenging himself remained with him. The consequences of his actions remained
with him, and his return to the promised land brought all the emotions of past
events to the fore. You must remember, Jacob had grown and really changed, but
his unresolved past issues remained locked deep within him until the reality of
a possible confrontation with his estranged, “embattled” brother. I genuinely
believe Jacob was of the view that Esau was still the same old angry, bitter,
murderous, resentful man whom he left behind to flee to Laban’s home.
The idea that his brother was coming invoked a level of terror in Jacob
and he began dividing his household in order to ensure the survival of some members should Esau attack. I can’t imagine the level of stress that he was under. In
Genesis 32: 9-12, Jacob prays. Let’s pay special attention to verse 11
11 Save
me, I pray, from the hand of my brother Esau, for I am afraid he will come
and attack me, and also the mothers with their children.
This is really a lesson for me on remorse, self-forgiveness, healing,
working through the past instead of sweeping it under a carpet with the hope
that it will never reemerge. Some of us are like Jacob, we are holding on to
the wrongs we did and are gravely affected emotionally and psychologically such
that we are paralysed by the mere possibility of encountering the consequences
of what we have done or the people we have hurt. Some of us cannot go to our hometowns,
former workplaces, etc. because we know who or what lies there. I know a lady who was looking for a job and
came across the ideal position; however, she did not apply for the job because
a former friend worked at the organisation that posted the job and she could
not face that person due to their past encounters. She missed out on a good
opportunity just because of unresolved issues.
Fast forward to the actual meeting between the two brothers and their
entourages.
Genesis 33: 1Jacob looked up and there was Esau, coming with
his four hundred men; so he divided the children among Leah, Rachel and
the two female servants. 2 He put the female
servants and their children in front, Leah and her children next, and
Rachel and Joseph in the rear. 3 He himself went
on ahead and bowed down to the ground seven times as he approached
his brother. 4 But Esau ran to meet Jacob and embraced
him; he threw his arms around his neck and kissed him. And they wept. 5 Then
Esau looked up and saw the women and children. “Who are these with you?” he
asked. Jacob answered, “They are the children God has graciously given your
servant.” 6 Then the female servants and their
children approached and bowed down. 7 Next,
Leah and her children came and bowed down. Last of all came Joseph
and Rachel, and they too bowed down. 8 Esau asked, “What’s
the meaning of all these flocks and herds I met?” “To find favor in your eyes, my
lord,” he said. 9 But Esau said, “I already
have plenty, my brother. Keep what you have for yourself.”
Before I become consumed by Esau, I would like to take a moment and
appreciate how remorseful Jacob was. At least that is what I am noticing from the
manner in which he presented himself to his brother when they met. Look at
verse 3, he bowed 7 times as he approached his brother. Yes, he was afraid, but
the scene captured in scripture truly feels deeper than just one trying to
avert death. Also, moments later he wept with his brother, that is more than
just a sigh of relief.
The verse on Jacob bowing 7 times reminds me of Luke 17: 3 So watch
yourselves. “If your brother or sister[a] sins
against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them. 4 Even
if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you
saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them.” 5 The
apostles said to the Lord, “Increase our faith!”
I found it intriguing that after Jesus tells disciples to forgive, they responded
by asking for their faith to be increased. This statement says a lot about
forgiveness. Thank God we are not alone on this journey; God, The Holy Spirit
is with us and helps us in all things including forgiving wrongs.
Back to Genesis 33… When I read verse 4 of this chapter, I recognized
the same heart of love that I observed in chapter 27 of the book of Genesis.
Jacob and Esau exhibited two completely different postures. While Jacob was
bowing, Esau was running to him. The word of God tells us that when Esau
reached Jacob, he threw his arms around him, embraced him, and kissed him. It
was Esau who did this, not Jacob. This is the same man who felt betrayed,
deceived, and manipulated, yet he embraced and kissed the very source of his
anguish. In this moment, we see the heart of a man who not only loved his
brother but longed for him. We witness a man transformed, no longer filled with
hatred but instead filled with love and forgiveness. We see a man who moved
beyond the past without waiting for an apology.
How he received his brother allowed Jacob to open his heart and
experience the love and longing he had for his brother. It also helped him move
past his fear and remorse to a place where he could explore the emotions of
missing, longing for, and loving Esau. In that moment, when the two men allowed
themselves to be brothers again, the word of God says, "They wept."
Afterward, Esau simply wanted to understand what was happening; he was not
concerned with any attempts to make him view Jacob favorably. He already looked
at him with love, grace, mercy, and favor. The material things did not
matter to him. If you read the scripture above, you’ll notice that Esau
addressed Jacob as “my brother,” while Jacob referred to him as “my lord.” This
contrast highlights how one’s remorse and the other’s forgiveness led to the
restoration of a brotherhood.
It was the heart, warmth, and forgiveness of the one who was hurt that
enabled the reconciliation of the two.
Esau’s reception of Jacob taught me that through forgiveness, I create
room for healing and reconciliation. He taught me that I need not hold on to
what was done to me, that I don’t have to wallow in the hurt and past. Moving
on is a decision; forgiveness is a decision. Forgiveness is liberating for all
parties. He did not live with the torment of the past, but he broke through and
lived a better life. Instead of dreading the possible meeting with his brother,
he anticipated it, which was not the case for Jacob. I genuinely find myself
loving and appreciating the person he became in chapter 33.
The way he forgave and embraced his brother reminds me of the
requirement God has put upon us to forgive. I remember an incident in my life
whereby I trusted someone, and she betrayed my trust. I was furious and afraid
of what I would say to her. One of the days when I was praying about what she
did and for the Lord to help me deal with her and the anger I had towards her,
I heard in my heart the words, "Forgive as I forgive.” Those words
frustrated me. I was certain that it was God, and I did not want to forgive as
He forgives. I wanted to forgive whilst establishing a memorial for her
betrayal (a constant reminder not to rely on or trust her). I felt like God
demanded more than I was able or rather willing to give.
Little did I know that God said what He said for my benefit and freedom.
Years passed, but whenever I was in her presence, I would have slight
irritation. Her presence annoyed me. That was the clearest indication that my
failure to obey was detrimental to me. The issue lies in our tendency to view
forgiveness and forgetting as foolishness, but in reality, it is beneficial as
it allows for a fresh start with others. Some have said it is not possible, but
it is. It requires effort and intentionality. I have come to understand that
forgetting a wrong is a decision to disregard the existence of the memory. This
is when one chooses to ignore the memory and not consider it as a meaningful
event. As one practices this, it becomes a distant memory, and then forgetfulness
kicks in.
Forgetting is a practice of shunning the memory of wrong and choosing to
see a person in the same light as prior to the event or differently, yet
untainted. While it may require some time, consistent practice leads to
improvement. When faced with a distorted view of a person based on the hurt
they caused, one has to intentionally begin addressing their mind to see the
person as God sees them instead of the mistakes made. You have to be willing to
tell your mind no when it redefines and registers that person as an offender.
Sometimes you need to see that person and start telling yourself that he
is a child of God, made in His image; he too is the righteousness of God; he is
wonderfully and fearfully made; he is more than the bad decision he made; he is
more than the mistakes he made; he is more than the hurt he caused. He is my
brother. You need to ask God to enable you to love that person whether they are
a neighbour or an enemy - the requirement from God is the same: love them. You
have to be willing to remove them from the register of offenders in your heart
and mind. This might not be easy, but it is certainly worth it.
That is how we forgive and forget. Archiving wrongs is not forgetting.
It involves accumulating wrongs for future use when needed. It will definitely
be retrieved should an opportunity present itself. May we learn from Esau and
forgive.
Lastly, it was easier for the brothers to come together and bury their
father Isaac later on because they had reconciled. Esau no longer desired to
kill his brother; he lived his life in Seir, and Jacob lived his in Canaan. He
had truly forgiven, and they moved on.
Genesis 35: 27 Jacob came home to his father Isaac in
Mamre, near Kiriath Arba (that is, Hebron), where Abraham and
Isaac had stayed. 28 Isaac
lived a hundred and eighty years. 29 Then
he breathed his last and died and was gathered to his people, old and full
of years. And his sons Esau and Jacob buried him.
Reconciliation enabled them to be there for one another in their moment
of grief and pain. I wonder how Isaac must have felt knowing that his sons were
together again, that his family was restored. It must have been truly
incredible to behold. He died knowing that there was no longer strife, anger,
resentment, and bitterness among his sons. I don’t want to write about Joseph
and how he came to forgive his siblings after selling him. Let’s love and
forgive people for the wrongs they have done. Unforgiveness typically destroys
the one who bears it more than the one who committed the wrong (yes, I know,
this was not the case in Esau and Jacob’s story - Jacob carried the weight of the
past, while Esau carried the prospects of a united, peaceful, and loving brotherhood).
Parting scriptures
1 Peter 4: 7 The end of all things is near. Therefore be
alert and of sober mind so that you may pray. 8 Above all, love each
other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.
Romans 8: 10 Love does no harm
to a neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.
Proverbs
10: Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers over all wrongs.
Have
a great day.
Love
Happy
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